> With a manager only a few years older than you, you have a tough experience.
So I'm pretty early in my career but have already had multiple experiences having managers who are a little younger than me. I want it to be fine, but it's just hard to see them as any kind of authority. How do other folks make this work?
If you're doing it right as a manager, it's not about authority. Instead, you should be working to align interests and support your team.
Having someone younger than you as a manager can feel awkward, but if they actually invest in you and listen to you, it can be a great relationship...especially if you know you don't want to be a manager. Then, it's like this person is doing you a favor, so you can stick to the IC work you like.
"Authority" can refer to wisdom & experience, e.g. "They are an authority on the subject". People like having leaders who are knowledgeable about the task at hand.
I mentioned my problems, with my manager, to very senior coworkers and they strongly recommended that I quit.
As a result of their advice, I mentally quit my job.
My old job was to make successful products for customers.
My new job is to overcome the limitations of my manager.
I've tried very obvious things. I have worked out a path to be successful despite the efforts of my manager to prevent it. I included my skip level manager in the conversation. I very carefully review my manager's actions and tell them constructively in our 1on1 when they are managing badly. I spend a lot of time reviewing my progress to make sure my path is the best. I built relationships with other coworkers without my manager involvement so they can support my efforts when performance reviews are due.
If I kept the notion that was doing my old job I would be unhappy; changing my point of view has helped a lot.
I mean I don't expect much out of managers so whether they are younger or older doesn't really matter to me. I see leadership of any sort as service. Truth and service should be the motto of every leader. They seek the truth out methodically, thoughtfully and doggedly.
Truth seeking is ultimately about accepting reality and calling things like they are which is, of course, harder than it sounds. We have all sort of motivations to lie to others and, more importantly, ourselves. As a manager this is compounded because you don't have control over what you are responsible for, you're relying on other people to do the work you are held accountable for so you start lying to yourself about how your team is doing, how communications is happening or not happening and a host of other things. The good managers learn to not do this.
As a manager, I feel that whenever I have to use authority I've failed.
If a manager is unable to convince a team member and forces them to take some path by pulling rank, isn't it a recipe for disaster regardless of age? In my experience, begrudging compliance is not a recipe for quality code.
So I'm pretty early in my career but have already had multiple experiences having managers who are a little younger than me. I want it to be fine, but it's just hard to see them as any kind of authority. How do other folks make this work?