As someone who has started a company (one in YC at that) with a 9 month old, I do think it is a false choice. But the real choice is pretty clear:
- don't spend time with your kids
- don't spend as much time as you could at your company
I did the latter, or tried at least. So the time you take out from your company is serious, but manageable. Kids are very focusing; the time to spend with them came from other things most people do: tv, video games, socializing, etc.
My biggest concern with having kids (now a 4 year old and 1 year old) is the impression I'll leave on employees when I'll be home for dinner but still probably working later where they can't see. Setting the right tone will be harder than balancing my schedule for sure. I hope at my next company I'll be able to create a healthy, family-friendly environment full of people that are smart and get things done.
What I didn't do was milk being a parent to get press for my startup. I thought that would be cheap. It would have been trivial considering my cofounder was also my wife. The story writes itself, but I'm happy I didn't pursue it.
I don't understand your biggest concern. How is it a bad thing that you're setting the example of making sure you have quality time at dinner with your family? Especially if you're doing work after you put the kids to bed to make sure that stuff gets done that needs to get done.
Perhaps you've never been at a startup with recent college grads. 10 to midnight is a common schedule. That kind of work ethic isn't healthy, but recent college grads don't notice and even seem to enjoy it. What is does yield? A hell of a lot of code and an obvious boost in absolute productivity.
I would like engineers to work those hours with enthusiasm. My concern is that this wouldn't happen with a founder that is absent in the middle of their work day. The solution is to have a cofounder that works those hours, I suppose :)
My biggest concern with having kids (now a 4 year old and 1 year old) is the impression I'll leave on employees when I'll be home for dinner but still probably working later where they can't see. Setting the right tone will be harder than balancing my schedule for sure. I hope at my next company I'll be able to create a healthy, family-friendly environment full of people that are smart and get things done.
What I didn't do was milk being a parent to get press for my startup. I thought that would be cheap. It would have been trivial considering my cofounder was also my wife. The story writes itself, but I'm happy I didn't pursue it.