Not Op, but had a similar realization (i.e. there are days where I'm awkward & don't connect ever though I spend conscious effort; and days where I'm a social butterfly without trying at all; therefore, conscious effort is at best uncorrelated). I do is what I'd describe as "taking care of myself", which means in part adapting good habits such as doing sports, sleeping enough, eating good, but also to be kind to myself: let me be lazy sometimes, do what I set out to do, and treat myself with positive experiences that have no deeper meaning (paradoxically, they do make a difference long term). You become more relaxed and happy with yourself, and you're more content, allowing you to "give" more in relationships without the other person having to do anything, which is greatly appreciated generally, and readily returned. The most important factor of all though is mindfulness meditation, everything else follows from it in my experience.