Play to win. You want to get in front of someone before a competing dating market participant does, and people are tolerant of “white lies” when necessary (“dating apps are the worst amirite?”). If you can’t excuse it away, work on your sales skills.
Hate the fact that third spaces have evaporated and you need a dating app to meaningfully participate in the dating marketplace, not that you have to take liberties with facts to increase your opportunities and potential to close into a relationship.
Tangentially, love is grown, not found. Find someone you can grow to love (ie trust and mutual respect, shared values and belief systems).
I met my ex-wife on Match. Things didn't work out in the long run (10 years) between us for reasons that had absolutely nothing to do with online dating.
But, I certainly know that if I had lied initially, it would have never worked from the start.
Your attitude on this matter ("play to win" and "work on your sales skills") is what makes the whole scene really horrible. I feel for your partner, I wonder if they realize that is your train of thought.
After saying what you did, I find your advice at the end contradicts what you said above. "play to win"... but grow love with trust after lying about my age? Weird.
Married 15 years, together 20. My partner is aware what she’s dealing with, she finds my approach attractive (fwiw) and will encourage me to flirt in front of her. I am kind but also confident and direct. Win friends and influence people sort of thing.
I agree the dating marketplace is terrible, but you can’t change it, you can only change how you operate within in to arrive at a desired outcome. Would you own a business but do no sales or marketing because you find it icky? That’s a quick way to bankruptcy.
40-50% of first marriages fail. 60%+ of second marriages fail. This doesn’t account for relationships that never get to marriage and still fail.
That is to say that most relationship success is timing, luck, and emotionally healthy enough people (have to love yourself first before you can love someone else in a healthy way). I wish I had more actionable advice, but I don’t. Be a decent person, sell yourself, and get in front of as many (emotionally healthy) potential partners as possible. That’s it. I agree I am in the minority. I recognize luck for what it is, but try to encourage everyone to get more dice rolls in (see: this sub thread). I wish you luck and happiness.
Hate the fact that third spaces have evaporated and you need a dating app to meaningfully participate in the dating marketplace, not that you have to take liberties with facts to increase your opportunities and potential to close into a relationship.
Tangentially, love is grown, not found. Find someone you can grow to love (ie trust and mutual respect, shared values and belief systems).